Appetite: Or 357 Impertinent Facts About Sherlock And Food
by The Necessity of Darkness
Summary: Here is a list of trivialities pertaining to Sherlock's eating(and drinking) habits that John has discovered throughout their relationship. Slash. Style and idea inspired by Atlin Merrick's Minutiae: Or 156 Things I Know About You.


Eating is a part of life. Everyone does it.

It was only when Sherlock started peeling away his mask that he ate in front of John. It was only when they became friends(or Sherlock would say "more than acquaintances") that Sherlock ate half of his meals. It was only when they became best friends that Sherlock ate full meals. It was only when they became lovers that Sherlock let John see his true eating habits.

Here is a list of trivialities pertaining to Sherlock's eating(and drinking) habits that John has discovered throughout their relationship.

 ***** Sherlock uses copious amounts of sugar in his coffee. _Seriously_. John's sure Sherlock pours more sugar into the beverage than five people combined. That's not to say he's complaining, though. Not at all. He rather likes the taste of the detective's kisses in the morning, tinged with sugary sweetness.

 ***** Sherlock has a massive sweet tooth. He particularly likes strawberry jam and biscuits, which makes sense when he says Jammie Dodgers are his favorite type of treat. The detective also seems to be biased towards vanilla ice cream, rather then its chocolate counterpart. John shares that particular bias.

 ***** Sherlock asks specifically for his spaghetti to be cut. When John cooks them both a meal, which is close to never, or even when they're at restaurants, his flatmate always makes it a point to remind the cook about cutting the noodles. Apparently he doesn't like the unceremonious way people slurp it when it's left untouched.

 ***** Sherlock dislikes people looking at him when he eats. John has never asked why, although he's unsure why people witnessing him pop a bite or two into his mouth is so important to avoid. Would it ruin the public image of robot, sociopath Sherlock Holmes? Actually, he'll ask the detective right now.

 ***** Sherlock saves the thing he likes best on his plate for last. Unlike John, who is too impatient to wait for delayed gratification, Sherlock has no quarrel with "eating the rest to get to the best" as his mother used to say. Now, John's Sheperd's pie is an exception: he shovels the whole thing in his mouth before any other side. It's too good _not_ to be first.

 ***** Sherlock eats nearly everything with a fork and knife. The doctor almost expects Sherlock to whip out the two utensils every time he eats. Whether the food be donuts, burgers, strawberries, or pizza, you can count on him to eat it in the most posh and dainty way imaginable: the way _no one else does._

 ***** Sherlock hates the ends of loaves of bread. Much to the doctor's chagrin, he figured this out after making the detective a sandwich that he not so pleasantly scrunched his nose at. Sherlock answered John's exclamation of,"What?" with,"Can you buy another loaf and remake it?", which was the exact opposite of an answer. Despite that, John did indeed remake the sandwich. He's never been able to deny Sherlock much of anything, afterall.

 ***** Sherlock prefers peanut butter and pickle sandwiches to peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. It figures that the World's Only Consulting Detective can't even enjoy ordinary lunches. Then again, John wouldn't force him to eat PB&J for the world, even if he sometimes doesn't enjoy kissing Sherlock when his mouth is salty and his breath smells like peanuts.

 ***** Sherlock eats the pizza crust before the pizza. Here we come back to Sherlock's habit of saving the best for last. John simply eats a slice of pie the, quoting Sherlock,"Boring and predictable way." The detective says it's only logical to finish with the tip. John isn't sure if he should think of penises when he eats pizza now.

 ***** Sherlock always has to eat two chips at a time. But not just that. They need to be of the same length. And he has to start his consumption with the smallest ones first and end with the largest. It's a very meticulous process and John still doesn't understand why Sherlock can't tidy up the flat, but can sit there for 45 minutes just to eat his potato wedges. He also doesn't understand why the detective finds watching telly tedious, but not eating chips like _that_.

 ***** Sherlock enjoys drizzling ketchup on his Mac & Cheese. It started off as an experiment, as his father said that was his go-to meal during Uni. Then it became a habit, not only because he enjoyed the taste, but because Mycroft would make a scandalized face whenever he saw the detective take a bite.

 ***** Sherlock makes sure to bite the head off of his animal crackers first. His _mother's_ doing, he will assure you. Apparently, when the detective was just a boy, his mum would tell him to remove their heads first so they couldn't alert the others. It seems that old habits die hard.

 ***** Sherlock holds his ribs with latex gloves. He cannot _stand_ getting sauce under his fingernails. Now, the doctor can get a grasp on this one, because Sherlock always has to appear his best(except he always looks his best), but does his partner keep gloves on him at all times? Just in case they happen to go to a barbeque?

 ***** Sherlock dips his chips in vanilla ice cream. If he and John have no ice cream, he switches to strawberry jam. There's no doubt in the detective's mind that they'll always have a jar of it in the flat. It's almost as if a magical machine dispenses the product into their refrigerator or, more likely, John just can't get enough of it.

 ***** Sherlock bites into whole tomatoes. Granted, he only does so after slicing a plus sign into the top of the vegetable(fruit?) and rubbing it in a bowl of salt. John doesn't really mind it much, except there was an incident where he accidently measured salt into a cake when it required _sugar_...but it wasn't his fault! He always tells Sherlock not to put the bowl...!

 ***** Sherlock doesn't break Kit-Kat fingers apart. He merely bites into them. John believes that the detective is tarnishing the sanctity of what makes Kit-Kats different than other chocolate bars. After all, it's "Have a break", not "Have a bite."

 ***** Sherlock makes "Four-eo"s. On the rare occasion that the doctor can get around to the store, he buys _Double Stuf Oreos_ just for his partner. The detective likes to pull them apart and mutilate them until they're barely recognizable as _Oreos_ , then combine them into a quadruple-decker cream filled biscuit that John believes solves most of life's problems.

 _To be continued..._

* * *

 **A/N: So, I'm not sure how this story happened. I was thinking about all the weird ways I eat food, and I was just like,"Sherlock seems like he'd do this stuff, and that's why he hates eating."**

 **I hope all of you enjoyed! Any feedback is greatly appreciated. Which fact is your favorite?**


End file.
